Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tragic Resurrection…A Look into my Journey to Weight Loss

Things that you may have heard as kids….  “You better eat it all too…”, “You know you ain’t hungry you just being greedy … but go ahead”, “You ain’t leaving this table until you eat all of those peas…”, and my all time favorite, “It’s a lot of hungry kids in Africa…!” LOL, THIS is what I call pre-conditioning for obesity! For some odd reason, at least in the black family, WE DO NOT believe in wasting food! Stopping before your stomach feels like it’s going to separate from the rest of your body or before the all mighty “itis” kicks in is not an option either. Well at least it wasn’t for me. I didn’t develop a conscience about these things until around 2008. I mean how was I to know that I had been eating WRONG all my life!! Tipping the scale @ almost 300 LBS, I figured I probably should lose weight at some point but it wasn’t a priority. I mean I was “Shapely”, I was comfortable, and chicken wasn’t chicken if it wasn’t fried. As I said before, I accepted my role as being the bigger one. 

My father had been struggling with diabetes for years, but got progressively worse in 2006. Let’s see…he had a light stroke, a bladder infection that disrupted the blood flow some other medical mumbo jumbo that led to Dementia/ Alzheimer’s. In September of 2006 he developed sores on both feet and after a debriding (cleansing of a wound) procedure one foot had to be amputated. The decline was steady and watching it was HARD! Health is one thing but when you add mental state to the plate the difficulty level of “being able to deal” increases.  

In January of 2008, my doctor informed me that I was pre-diabetic and that it was no longer a matter of me wanting to lose weight now I HAD to. Being that the complications of diabetes was so close to home, I knew it was no way that I was going through that or putting my family through that! This was a scared straight moment for me and I sought knowledge to make changes. Remembering what my sister had been telling me about it being a lifestyle change, I signed up for a gym membership and I just knew the weight would begin to fall off right?! Wrong...LOL! I walked on that treadmill for two whole weeks and NOTHING! (Sarcasm) Patience is a virtue, my friends! I mean it didn’t really occur to me that it took me years to gain this weight, so it would take some time to lose it as well. Not long after I began working out, my sister bought me the book “Fat Smash Diet” by Dr. Ian Smith and during my first days of detox I had the same “But nothing’s happening” syndrome until I stepped on the scale and saw that I was 8lbs down in 6 days! THAT was ALL the motivation I needed. From then I wanted to see how far I could take this! I was anxious to know what I would look like! For months I couldn’t see the difference. But others noticed and that felt so good. I wish I could say that it was a downhill battle from this point but…


Staying on track was/is not easy and I had plenty of cheat days, but over all I was thrilled with my progress. I will admit though now I am way more weight conscious than I was before. This is a downside, it’s almost as if I feel like I’m trapped in a world where I have to make the right decisions (when it comes to food), but the wrong one is so much easier and CHEAPER!! But hey, when you know better you do better, and some of those bad eating habits I have gotten rid of for good! I even feel guilty when I don’t exercise.


 
Last year to date, my father lost his battle with diabetes, which should have been motivation enough but, I’m still not quite there yet. Instead, I went in the opposite direction and learned that I am an emotional eater whose poison is Caramel Cake, Red Velvet Cake, Lemon Cake, pound cake, I think you get my point! This “Like” helped me gain some of the weight back over the last year. I have been re-dedicating myself for months now! Some days the motivation is not there and I struggle with not beating myself up over it. Some days I just wanna go to American Deli, have my Chicken Philly and French fries and not think about the amount of calories I just consumed!!! But I CAN’T!!!! Which is annoying, but it’s a good thing! I’ll never be the same and I will continue to fight with these genes! I have hope that one day the fight will get easier. Motivation, dedication, persistence, Blah, blah, blah! None of that makes it easier, but who said that it would be! The quest to be healthy is "to be continued"! I’m taking it one day at a time and just because I made poor choices yesterday, doesn’t mean that I will tomorrow. This is still the beginning of a never ending journey to the real freedom and a less tragic ending for me!
 



RIP Dad
Sincerely,

E. Louise

11 comments:

Bernice said...

This post really touched me...RIP Daddy!!!!

Anonymous said...

E this post brought tears to my eyes, but I absolutely loved it. The realness of it makes you think about ones own weight issues, be it 10lbs or 50lbs. I am very proud of you.

I am about to go for a stroll. Gotta start somewhere....right.

Tia

Bernice said...

more weight-my.sister was fabulous, less weight-my sister is still fabulous...this is pure self esteem at its finest!!! *muah*

Terri said...

I work with this wonderful young woman who has inspired me to get back on my own weight loss journey. I have had my struggles also but after watching her do what she does she has inspired me to like myself a little bit more no matter my size. E...keep doing what you do. You are amazing!!!

Sunnshyne said...

You know tears just falling...I am soooooooooo proud of you! Diabetes is real and scary. I have fallen for my old habits and have gained 40 of 60lbs back. But thanks to you I am picking myself up n dusting myself off!.....lot of dust ;-)

GREAT POST!!!!!!

Pamieka Adams said...

Loved this hun.

demetria said...

Luv the post *eyes tearing*

I was definitely raised up to eat ALL my food. I really think this came from blacks being poor & not having money to waste. Anyway, losing weight is a struggle whether it's 10lbs or 100lbs. Guess I'll be back on the grind tomorrow.

Luv u bestie! Muah!

Chenille said...

Such a wonderful post...as someone who constantly struggles with weight and genes, I know and live your fight! Being young, just wanting to eat McDonalds, were the lastest styles....all on a budget...is so challenging!!! It just seems so easier to eat off the $1 menu, but wait theres nothing healthy on there, so I constantly struggle with what's right and what's affordable. But I guess that's life...full of choices and consequences. After reading this, I'm completely encouraged to continue in the fight of my life! You look awesome and I'm sure you feel even better! May God bless you and give you the strength to stand against the ups and downs of life and those genes!

SheDel said...

This is such a great post!! I am sorry for your lose, but you dad would be and IS so proud of you. You looked fabulous before and now you look even MORE fabulous!!! wow... its crazy how much weight you lost but you look GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD YES HUNNY!! Now following!!!

LOVE YOUR STYLE!!

http://mythriftedcloset.blogspot.com/

Timeka said...

I congratulate you!!! And you look good!! I am sorry to hear about your dad. My grandmother died from the diabetes several years ago. I am somewhat in the same situation, where as diabetes runs in my family. My mother is presently a diabetic and I say every day that I need to loose weight because I feel the difference in my body and the lazy life style that I have adapted to and to make matters worse, I work the night shift!!! Being on this shift, I have gained too much weight. My boyfriend pays for a gym membership every month and it is too sad to say that we do not go. I know I need to go, but from reading this post on your site, I am now. I have to do better if I want to live a prosperous and healthy life that God has for me. I have some of the same indulgences when it comes to food, but I know and for some strange reason it is hard for me to make smarter decisions. I will consider picking up the book and also utilize my gym membership to make a difference in my family.

ANTWANETTE TRIMBLE said...

WOW THIS REALLY HAS TOUCHED ME IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE. IM NOW STRUGGLING TO LOSE WEIGHT I ALSO HAD A MOTHER WHOM I TOOK CARE OF FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS UNTIL SHE LOST HER BATTLE TO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND DEMENTIA LAST JULY . IT WAS HARD TAKING CARE OF MY MOM AND RAISING MY SONS,WORKING,SCHOOL ALL AT THE SAME TIME . HELP FROM FAMILY WAS GREAT BUT KNOW ONE WAS THERE WITH US 24/7 SEEING HER GO FROM 300+ TO A SMALL 145 WHEN SHE DIED. MY MOM AND I NEVER DISCUSSED FOOD OR MY SIZE I ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE TO LOVE MY BODY NO MATTER THE SIZE. BUT NOW ITS ABOUT BEING HEALTHY . I JUST HAD A SON 3 MONTHS AGO AND I HAD HIM AT 32 WEEKS DUE TO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. MY LAST SON I HAD HIM AT ONLY 25 WEEKS DUE TO THE SAME ISSUES, BEING IN THE HOSPITAL AND NOT KNOWING IF YOU WILL EVER SEE YOUR FAMILY AGAIN IS VERY SCARY . BUT I MADE IT THREW ALL THE DAYS OF BEING PUT ON BED REST AND WORRIED ABOUT MY SON NOT LIVING . BUT HES HEALTHY AND IM TRYN TO GET BACK HEALTHY . ONCE I HAD HIM I BREASTFEED IT REALLY HELP ME WATCH WAT I EAT BUT NOW THAT HES ON FORMULA I HAVE WENT BACK TO MY EATING HABITS. REALLY NEED A LIL PUSH ON THIS WEIGHT LOST THING CAUSE I DONT WANT MY KIDS TO HAVE THE BURDEN OF TAKING CARE OF ME LIKE I HAVE. I WOULDNT CHANGE ANYTHING THAT I DID FOR MY MOM.BUT I JUST MISS HER BEING HERE AND THINK THAT IF SHE WOULD HAVE STARTED YOUNG SHE WOULD HAVE LIVED LONGER AS WELL. THANKS FOR THE BLOG I REALLY ENJOYED ALL YOU LADIES COMMENTS.

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