What better time to wear a message tee than Easter? Faith over Fear, I've been actively practicing this for the past few years. Each year I feel like I'm being challenged or taken to another level of difficulty, constantly being put in positions where I have to trust God more and more. I remind myself of all that he has done and that serves as reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Faith over Fear is a lifestyle change...Literally.
I’ve been trying to figure out how raw or transparent I wanted to be. The last time I spoke on this (last Easter) I had a decision to make. I lost a lot of sleep trying to figure out my next move. *Insert Drum Roll* I can proudly say I CHOSE TO STRUGGLE!
So here’s the thing, my lease ended a few years ago but no one in the office caught it and I wasn’t finna say nothing!! I toyed with the idea of moving back with my mom (Montgomery), my sister (Birmingham), or heading to the Hollywood of the South (ATL) all financially safe choices. None of which I went with. I decided to re-sign my lease for another year. It was most definitely a faith move. But when I tell you I slept so good afterwards. I felt like that was confirmation from God that I had made the right choice. I try not to lose sight of that, but it gets a little cloudy at times. He gave me hope.
I went through a shameful period. I was ashamed to tell people I was unemployed. Like instead, I would give wayyy too much info. "I was a recruiter, but I got laid off, now I'm working two jobs just trying to make ends meet..." Blah, Blah, Blah. All because I wasn't confident in the changes that God was/is making in my life. Not seeing that I was being placed in a position to grab hold of REAL freedom. That Create your own way freedom. That I work for my damn self FREEDOM...He gave me freedom.
I went through a withdrawal period. I was pretty uncomfortable. I'd been applying for jobs, and getting rejection after rejection after rejection. So much so, I stopped alerting people of my interview opportunities. I was trying so hard to reposition, not to be a burden or needy. But I felt so discouraged, worried, and rejected that I withdrew. He gave me time.
Before I was laid off I kept having recurring dreams of me being put in situations where I would HAVE to come out fighting. One dream in particular, I’d been kidnapped, I sat in the corner for a while, really sad and afraid. Out of nowhere it hit me! My thoughts: Hell they may kill you anyway, might as well go out fighting! So I did! Then I woke up. I wasn’t sure what it meant then, but I can take a good guess now. He Gave me the Will to fight
At the turn of the New Year, I made the decision that I was not going to fill myself with worry in 2016! I've stayed true to that so far. I had to change my attitude and accept where I am at this point in life. I realized that my attitude was preventing me from progressing and moving forward. I was too busy trying to recreate what was, when I should've been creating/dreaming/shouting about what could be! I was limiting my high-life points without knowing it. Now, I'm ok with working two jobs and devoting more time tailor making my own dreams. Because, I truly believe the best is yet to come!
He Renewed my spirit.
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T-shirt: DIY
Skirt/Vest: Thrifted
Shoes: Shoe Show
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To be continued...
Cheers to being GREAT!
Happy Tuesday!
E. Louise
